original:
Today is the bluest day for me this year. I was shouted and scorned by a friend. It happened when he was coming across a problem of computer. Because it was easy to me, so I try to help him. However, when I just touch the computer, the program running on the computer showed an error. He thought that I did not know anything and should not poke my nose into his business.
corrected by Emily:
Today was the bluest day of the year for me. I was shouted at and scorned by a friend. It happened when he came across a problem on the computer. I knew what the problem was, so I tried to help him. However, just when I touched the computer, the program running on the computer showed an error. He told me that I did not know anything and should not poke my nose into his business.
In the sentence, “It happened when he was coming across a problem…” you use the present continuous, which describes an event that is happening at that very moment. But, it only takes a moment to come across something, so these two actions cannot occur at the same time.
檢討：
一、
It happened when he came across a problem on the computer.
It其實是指he came across a problem，所以不該使用進行式，否則變成一直發生。
ex.
When the accident happened, I was window shopping.
（這個例句happened的主語不是I was window shopping，所以合理。）
二、
今年的...是用of the year，不是this year
三、正當（...發生）是用just when
ex.Just when the coach thought he had everything under control, a new problem popped up.（正当教练以为一切都有把握了，一个新问题又出现了。）
四、電腦上的問題
a problem on the computer，不是a problem of computer
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